Tug of War

I have realized that I am triggered heavily by pain, pain, anger, depression, loss, general unhappiness is what causes me to pour out on paper. Probably why Adele never really released any new albums when she was happily married and started churning them out as soon as she got a divorce. Speaking of divorces, I read an article which posited that women thrive better when they are single. They have more time for themselves, they exercise more, eat healthier, take more me time and generally become better functioning human beings and happier versions of themselves. Alternately, men thrive more when they are in a relationship because someone else is taking care of a significant portion of their lives. They are cooked for, cleaned for, picked up after, enquired after, the whole gamut. Seventy percent of the top CEOs in the world have stay at home wives. Really gives one something to think about honestly. I mean is it too simplistic a view? I asked my brother what he thought about such stats, and he brought up the very holistic view that perhaps its why males end up thriving financially compared to women of the same stature and age.

Female CEOs or leaders who are thriving in their communities and business worlds are usually single or have clearly alternative type partners who, even from their social media posts, make it apparent that they are very liberal husbands. I once was tasked with the uphill battle of searching for a female in the business industry to take up a post at work. Boy was it a difficult task! First of all, movers and shakers in the business world are very seldom female.” Its not exactly the easiest of tasks,” remarked one of the gentlemen I was giving feedback to. The fact that the criteria required, a young woman, preferably below the age of 40, with business experience, who WASN’T a lawyer OR an accountant just made it worse. Eighty percent of the women who COULD make the cut were accountants or lawyers and even then there was a gross overlap of the same people being selected and recycled by other companies.

I began to quiz myself on what really could be the problem. If I recall correctly, in primary school, the top 10 highest marks would be comprised of almost 70 percent girls, at least at Lady Tait Primary School in the dusty town of Kadoma. I might be remiss to assume this was the case for all individuals and so I conducted a mini survey amongst my work colleagues, and they all shared the same sort of general experience. 50 to 70 percent of their top performers were all girls. One colleague even went so far as to have a theory about it, that female top performers dwindle after form three. We tried to think of what happens at form three but I’m not even sure at this point. That colleague is not the only one that shares this sentiment.

My mother, God bless her sweet ever-loving soul, has been a high school educator for over 25 years and she had this to say. You lose a girl child, if you are not careful, at form three and lower six. Lord knows she believed this because the LEVEL of strictness I experienced at these stages was unparalleled. I remember the year she found my diary, lord Jesus, what a time to be alive. I remember I had just met this boy, after coming from an all-girls school at secondary level. And so, it was all doodles and heart emojis around his name, “Quidzie”, as I had so brilliantly thought I had spelt it. Did she not threaten to come to my school and embarrass me? I remember the words almost verbatim,” kachikoro kenyu kaya kadiki diki, I conduct assembly for over 1000 students, Jameson High School is nothing to me!! Ndosvika pa stage and remove all my clothing and say, Im Sithulisiwe’s mother, then we will see if any boy will ever approach you kana uchifunga kuti unonyengeka stereki.” We laugh about it now, asi haaaa it wasn’t so funny back then. She says now, in a very respectful manner, you wouldn’t even think she ever uttered those words, “aaaaaah zvaakunakidza wani nhai tete.” I love her to bits.

I have thoughts about these things all the time, maybe its also why my social media feed is filled with thoughts on the subject matter. Today I saw a tweet, “why do girls supposedly mature faster in everything except finances”, I mean DAMN, as my very good friend would say, violence. Where do we go wrong, as a gender? Conversely, its postulated that women live longer and continue, as widows, compared to their male counterparts. I mean do we stress men into death? Is it physical and scientific in nature? I mean given the ravaging effects of childbirth; one would think the opposite would be true.

I always tell people I would NEVER be a housewife. Not because I wouldn’t adore being one, I mean who wouldn’t? wake up at 8am and help hubby prefer for work, which he starts at 9am, head to the gym around ten, grocery shopping, lunch preps and collect the kids, a little bit of shopping and relax at home. I however stand staunch in my refusal to ever be one, not only because I would be mindlessly bored at some point, I mean I can cure boredom by becoming a professional student. I refuse to become one because, after the number of divorces I have handled, being a housewife takes away the very essential and very necessary power of being able to walk away from disrespect. I mean yeah sure no one starts out their marriage hoping or even THINKING disrespect will EVER come, but then no one ever think they will get a divorce, until u become a statistic.

I suppose gender wars will never end, men and golddiggers, women and money demands, women, and glass ceilings, climbing the corporate ladder, men crying foul that the boy child is now being forgotten. The necessity or overcompensation of affirmative action or lack thereof. The increase in job opportunities that scream, female applicants encouraged to apply. Its all in there, meddled together in our society, attempting to make an impact that all of us can live with.